Wednesday, March 4, 2009

Over it all.

I am broke. I have borrowed money from my parents and grandparents just to pay the rent, and even after that I still don't have enough to cover utilities. I have had a 2 inch rip in the side of my work shoes for 4 months, and I would like to replace them. I have been living on Vons-brand macaroni and cheese since August, NOT because I'm a fatty but because it's 75cents a box, and I would LIKE to start buying healthy foods like salads so I could lose some weight. I have had a 13" crack in my windshield for a YEAR, and I haven't been able to afford the deductible on my insurance to get it fixed (and this goes for the thousands of dollars in body-damage as well), and outside of the pipe-dream of one day having a NEW vehicle with a back seat, I would LIKE to fix up the truck.

I would LIKE to go to dinner with you.
I would LIKE to go out for drinks tonight.
I would LIKE to go see Watchmen with you at midnight.
I would LIKE to visit you in Florence.
I would LIKE to visit you in Manchester.
I would LIKE to visit you in Accra.
I would LIKE to LIKE MY LIFE.

But I can't afford to right now, so stop giving me guilt because I don't hang out with you enough. You're right, BOTH of our bank accounts are overdrawn right now. Yet somehow you will get a tour that tips you well and you'll spend the whole thing on a flight to Hawaii to hang out with your guests because, 'Oh well, I'll pay back the people I owe money to NEXT time!', while I will do the responsible thing and spend the little money I have now that I HAVEN'T had a tour since New Years on paying off the $500 over limit credit card, the $2300 loan from my family, and the ungodly amount I owe on the education I can't seem to finish. And what will I get for doing the right thing?

Everyone I know will treat me like a bad friend who doesn't want to spend time with them.

1 comment:

  1. You're not a bad friend... and this completely sucks... but we have to let those around us make their own decisions. I was broke for ten months out of twelve in 2007 and 2008... and everyone wanted me to "hang out" - but I understood that they just wanted to be around me. I made compromises... I went to this event instead of that, I invited people to coffee rather than dinner, and I often said, "I just can't tonight, I'm strapped... and, no, I don't want to borrow money from you."
    Not having money sucks... some people react by closing out everyone and everything because it seems everything "costs" and others react by going spend crazy because, "fuck it - broke is broke... and as long as I have the cash, might as well use it." I have been on both sides and I couldn't honestly say one is better than the other (the IRS and creditors may disagree). I just know that when I am broke, I just hope that people "understand" - particularly my friends. And if I want them to understand me, I have to be willing to understand them... and to simply stick to MY plan, without making a judgment on their plan (or lack thereof).
    And cheer up buttercup... pretty soon even those with money will be without... recession is the new "great equalizer"

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